Faith, Spirit & Song

2 Samuel 7:18-19, 24-29 ‘ Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house?‘
Gospel: Mark 4:21-25 ‘A lamp is brought in to be put on a stand. The measure you use, it will be measured to you.‘

It was my reading this morning… as I read, as I listened to the homily, and as I reflected on the Gospel, a couple of thoughts came settling down.

It started with the reference to courage – the courage David gathers to pray to God because of the promise made to him. In reflection, I apply that to my own trust and unshakeable faith in God’s plans for him – plans that I am clearly not privy to. I think back to the previous weeks’ reflection of how our endurance of suffering is also a process of tempering us and invoking fortitude – a gift of the Holy Spirit. My mind is holding all these thoughts in parallel – so I’ll attempt to pull one string of thought at a time.

My unshakeable faith – where exactly does it come from? I cannot say for sure. My personal circumstances distanced me from Catholic participation for some years – but my faith, despite the distance, somehow remained and deepened. I cannot explain it – maybe I’m not supposed to. Who knows?

So that faith that things will get better eventually – or at the very least, won’t stay the way they are, only grew stronger. The faith, bolstered by timely comfort from the Word of God made me feel special enough to reinforce my personal connection to God.

My prayer, then, is not all flowery language and great words with the right syntax. It is a conversation – sometimes like a whiny venting or pleading – the way I would have with my own father (Dada) and mother. It is that intimate and easy conversation knowing that He knows even those parts that I am unable to express. He knows my intention, He knows my pain, He knows my worries…
He knows.

So that space of sharing and venting with God, what I believe He already knows is what I understand as intimacy. Spiritual intimacy, if you will… because that relationship of trust exists. It just is. What David believes is the courage to pray, I call it as my ease, trust, and earned fearlessness to approach God.

And then came the Gospel – which I really felt was for me. The past week has been busy – too many things to do – workwise, voluntary, parenting, etc. I have been writing, crocheting, creating, designing, connecting with people… and at the same time, it has also been a stressful time with other matters that needs my attention. People have often asked me if I take a break, or how many skills I have, talents etc.

I pause and think – yes, I have these gifts – these gifts, skills, talents – they somehow were naturally given to me. I didn’t purchase them. They are God-given gifts. And what do we do with these gifts if we do not use them? For the greater good? If I have the skill of making people feel comfortable to speak with, to be around, to share their sorrows or troubles – then wouldn’t I be putting it to God’s use by being that ‘godsend’ (where I am planted) to bring in a little comfort to people?

I sing, I am creative with activities, I am firm, directed, clear and organized – skills that help me to create well curated spaces for people to connect with our roots and community – to belong. If I can do that, wouldn’t it be God’s work to facilitate that?

I am reading ‘Anxious People’ by Fredrick Backman and there was an interesting line there. Jack asks his mother if she was meant to save everyone and if God would save everyone. To this she says, ‘God doesn’t save everyone. That’s why he made people to be there for others.’

It was beautiful how I read that line yesterday – to connect the daily readings to me. That we are called to bring our whole selves – our gifts, talents, skills, to use freely (not just for financial remuneration) towards God’s work and to be that conduit to bring smiles, goodness, comfort to those around us.

Gifts aside, I also am reminded of a thought I read sometime last week – that the environment we are in today (ease, pain, suffering, or whatever) is exactly where God wants us to be, even if we do not understand it. And that the environment is a pathway for greater things that are in store for us beyond this immediately environment. I recognized it from some reflection and peace I had made with myself a few years ago. That if we going through shit – that’s exactly what is happening – we are going through it – day after day, it is movement and it teaches us something.

So I am grateful to the suffering I endured. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else, it was that bad! But as I look back and take cognition of the numerous experiences, then I think I am glad to have been tempered in that fire – that holy fire. ‘Holy’ because it has to be divine for me to come through it, out of it, wiser, but not harsher. Not cruel. I am grateful for a heart that is still soft, a heart that still cares and is able to see the beauty and goodness in people. My pain allows me to recognize and empathise the pain, sorrow and grief in others. That empathy allows me to be useful for other people who can draw strength & courage themselves.

So, yes, I have the courage to pray to God and call on to Him, because I believe I have a direct and invisible Hotline to Him. I have access to Him, because I have it – whether I deserve it, or have earned it, I do not know… but I know, I believe with unshakeable faith, that He has my back – and He shows it to me through the people, His messengers, that He sends to me to help put my human life situations in order.

That is how prayer works for me. Not magic… but faith – unshakeable faith.